My Unexpressed Words

Sometimes, we girls feel that there's much to celebrate when our boyfriends finish NS. I was one of those girls. But now, it seems like much a complicated situation. I love him to bits, and I know he loves me too but somehow I feel like something's changed. He is not attentive anymore. I mean he used to be able to get my hints (no matter how subtle). He used to take initiative, but now I have to spell it out for him before he does anything.

I told him some things over the phone yesterday, and he came down to my place at 8pm to talk. He told me that he admits he has been unattentive, as he is to stressed out with finding a job, making sure he has a stable career for the future, our future. That's when I realised I have been too demanding after his ORD. I expect him to be with me everyday, fetching me from campus everyday.

Then again, i only have a week before he starts doing OT( and with this i mean not coming home for 2-3 days) and stuff. Is it wrong if i want him to use all the little time he has to be with me, fetch me from school? I know these little things are near impossible when he starts work. But why didnt he? I have the right to be selfish right? For a day? I even told him that I miss him fetching me from school. And i harboured hopes that he would fetch me yesterday, the last day he could ever do it. And when i didnt see him at the usual busstop, it felt like, damn.

And what scare me is that, I wasn't happy when he surprise-visit me at my house yesterday. (after telling him I was disappointed). I guess I really wanted him to fetch me, like for WEEKS, and up to the last day, my hopes were dashed. And no matter what he does after that, I was not happy. Grateful, but no happy.

I am horrible.