I stumbled upon (like randomly poped up on my sidebar, I wasnt even stalking. I'm not Shaikha. OPPPPSSS.) his ex's profile and all those insecurities and doubts came rushing back and having a blast tearing up my self-esteem. It's just so weird. I mean like clearly, I know she has nothing on me (haha, shiok sendiri time. but really.) and that I am THE ONLY ONE he wants, but to think that she was the only one he wanted AT THAT TIME BEFORE ME, kinda makes me sad. She was the first to occupy his heart, mind and soul and people always say the first will always be remembered. (Not for me though, my first was an asshole so it does not count. And by first I mean first serious relationship okay not first sex partner. Better clarify this before people start to judge and talk and whatnot). He literally chased after her. So much devotion he had for her.

The second thing that makes me so damn fucking insecure is she is freaking hot. I mean, she's tall (something I always dream of but can never be), skinny (something that i can work on but...), artistic (LaSalle. I envy those who can produce things with their hands), hot, sexy lips, long legs, probably big boobs (I dont know, I always assume people who are this blessed definitely are blessed with great breasts) list goes on..

I'm whining like a bitch here, I know that. But I cant help wonder who he would lay his eyes on first if me and her were in the same room. Would he be reminded of old feelings if they met face to face?

I do realize all this stems from my bruised self-esteem. Work on this and this post would never even exist. But for now, lets say "construction in progress".

I'm so gonna get it from him for entertaining such thoughts. cant help it. Lonely wee mornings make me a psycho bitch :(

*blushes*

CREAMER!

I regret doing this to you. I regret that night. I regret the lies. I regret all of it.

I swear I'll never do it again to you.

Because I love you so, so much.

I know a lot of people know who he is, but I also know there are not that many who got to see the side of the guy that I did. And that guy, well, I’ll never forget him. Not ever. I’ve learned so much about life and emotion from knowing him and I wouldn’t change a thing about it. Your heart needs to go through some bumps like these once in a while. Besides, he has made a monumental impact on me and on my life in these past few years. I know no matter how many years go by, my stomach will always do a little flip whenever I see that face.

(Source: eletheowl)